by Ismaila
(Washington, USA)
My name is Isma'ila and I have been a Christian ever since I was fifteen years old, and I have been bisexual even longer than that. I first knew something was different when I was about thirteen years old. I had thoughts about kissing a woman.
After that I hated myself with bi-phobic thoughts because I did not understand what was happening to me. I repressed my sexuality for several years. When I was fifteen, I was reading a Christian book about happiness and God spoke to my mind and my heart, and asked, how could I be happy if I was not saved. I then locked myself in the bathroom for privacy and repented of all of my sins past, present, and future and I accepted Jesus as my God, Lord, Savior and Friend.
I often struggled with same sex attractions but I was in the closet and denied them because I was afraid of hell. I thought that it was a mental illness that I had from being abused. Bi-phobia was so in my head that I actually believed that I chose this for myself. Eventually I realized that I did not choose to be bisexual.
I also believed that GLBT people were called to be celibate. I believed this because I was afraid of Hell. But God continued to work with me through a gay Christian online group and I realized that God would not punish me for something I did not choose.
I found gaychristian101, this website, and God made it clear through honest Bible teaching that love is love. I now fully support monogamous same sex marriage between two adults. I am on Side A of the same sex marriage debate. For the record, gays who are Side B think that same sex marriage is wrong while gays who are Side A believe same sex marriage is perfectly fine with God.
I still sometimes struggle with doubts and questions but I take them to God because I love Him and I am learning to trust Him. Another thing I want to add is that I believe once someone is saved, they are always saved. Plain and simple. This doctrine has brought peace to me when I needed it.